I'm just about DONE!!!

This room is starting to get REALLY small... we have been here for 11 days and counting. We will be getting out on the 29th so just two more days, and I think that might be why I'm going stir crazy because we are almost out of here. It could also be because one, it's hard to keep a 2 and half year old occupied for so long :) or two, it's the thought that we get to leave and then turn right back around in 6 days and come back for another 3 to 4 day stay considering on how Carson does with the G-tube surgery. I guess one of the good things about this stay is that I have gotten a chance to sit down and really think and come to terms with Carson getting this G-tube. I can say that my feeling of being a failuer has turned into more like this is something that needs to been done but still wishes it didn't have to be done ( if that makes any since at all ).

But on a happier note even though we spent Christmas in the hospital we still had a GREAT day. The boys got to see each other after not seeing each other for over a week, and after their first initial "Oh hi Brober" they were back to fighting like cats and dogs and that was music to my ears.. HEHE. The boys also got more toys then they will know what to do with so when Mommy does get home I will be going through toys and giving some away or putting them away for a couple months then rotating them out. Well I think that is all for now, I will be updating how Carson is doing after his surgery and I do hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas.

Words I just never wanted to say.....

So day I said the words I never wanted to say.... Today I told the doctors that Travis and I wanted Carson to get the G-tube. And I actually did ok saying it, because I thought I would brake down when I told them but I didn't yet I still felt as if someone had punched me in my stomach and then I kept hearing in one ear "Failure" and in the other ear I was hearing "It's ok". And I know... I know I should not feel like a failure but it's hard not to some times when you think getting your kid to eat "should" be easy. And in Carson's case it hasn't been easy and it just hurts to know that I tried EVERYTHING to get him to eat, to try new things and even go to great links to getting him stuff that he would eat. So yes today I couldn't help but feel defeated in doing my Mommy duties in just getting trying to get my baby to eat, something that we do everyday. Something that is just human nature to do and yet again CF slaps you in the face and takes that away from you.

I do know in my heart that we are doing the right thing for him but I had to exhaust all my other options before this option. So I guess right now all I'm truly focusing on is getting him better and out of the hospital and I know that we would have liked to have been out before Christmas but.... it just doesn't look like that's in the cards. We should be getting out the day after Christmas and we will be leaving with a wonderful parting gift that will help Carson grow big and strong and maybe just maybe take a little worry off this Mama on not having to STRESS so much about how much he is eating right now. So then it can leave room for me to stress about something else LOL. Because really... do Mama's ever really stop stressing out about their kids? :)

I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas and a New Year that brings you nothing but love, laughter & heart warming moments.

Sammies!!!!!!

Oh the life of a CF Mama..... So I know that as a Mom you would do ANYTHING for your kids and being a CF Mom you get to do Mom things in special ways sometimes. And that is exactly what I did yesterday, you see my Nana, me and the boys went on a road trip to Woodburn Oregon. Now just so you kinda get an idea of what has been going on here. As most of you have read in other blogs Carson my oldest is a VERY picky eater and yes Carson comes by it quite honestly because Carson's Uncle ( My Brother) and my Mother were very picky eaters as kids, so as we all know with CFers they NEED to eat. Well when you have a CF kid that eats ONLY a hand full of things and when one of those things gets discontinued.... That can be a problem, so when Carson's Uncrustables grilled cheesed sandwiches got discontinued I was heartbroken. I know heartbroken over a silly sandwich, well I got even more heartbroken when I bought the sandwich punch thing that makes a sandwiches look just like one of the Uncrustables and he wouldn't even touch it. I even tried 5 different cheeses and still nothing, so anyways it was about 2 to 3 months with out "Sammies" and whenever I went to Walmart I would look for them and one day they had 17 boxes. I bought everyone and it was the best $40 I had ever spent.

I started to run low and was kind of getting worried that I was going to run out and I would have not found something else that Carson would eat that was " real " food like these silly sandwiches. But then the Sammie angle found some. My Mom's cousin that lives up in Washington just so happened to find some at her Walmart and had remembered my plea I had put on FB about friends and family to please look for these things whenever they were out shopping. So she found some and bought all 29 boxes that they had, and her parents were coming for a visit and said they would drop them off on their way home. So on Tuesday I got the best gift ever... 29 boxes of Sammies, but wait my Sammie angles were not done yet. After my Sammie deliverers left and headed home they thought they would stop off at the Woodburn Walmart just to see if they had any???? And they did!!! They had 3 CASES and a case had 10 boxes in them, so yet again my Mom's wonderful Aunt talked to a man there and was talking to him about saving them my Mom's cousin also called and talked to another man and told him our story and he said he would hold them for us. So when I found out what my family had done and I know that it might sound a little silly and I even laugh while I did it but... after I heard what they had done I truly had tears rolling down my face I was sooo happy. It was the most heart warming feeling and not only because of some silly sandwiches but that other people took their own time to make my days a little bit easier.

 It's a little crazy I know, but to have a child that WONT eat hardly anything let alone TRY anything, to have something that he will eat be taken way was devastating. But I think we will be fine for a while... because when we did get to Woodburn they didn't have 3 cases they had...... 5!!!! So I left with 50 boxes of Sammies and with 4 Sammies in a box I know have 200 more Sammies for Mr.Carson to enjoy. Now you can enjoy a couple pictures of Carson.

 "Mommy I so happy"

  "Sammie puzzle"