So day I said the words I never wanted to say.... Today I told the doctors that Travis and I wanted Carson to get the G-tube. And I actually did ok saying it, because I thought I would brake down when I told them but I didn't yet I still felt as if someone had punched me in my stomach and then I kept hearing in one ear "Failure" and in the other ear I was hearing "It's ok". And I know... I know I should not feel like a failure but it's hard not to some times when you think getting your kid to eat "should" be easy. And in Carson's case it hasn't been easy and it just hurts to know that I tried EVERYTHING to get him to eat, to try new things and even go to great links to getting him stuff that he would eat. So yes today I couldn't help but feel defeated in doing my Mommy duties in just getting trying to get my baby to eat, something that we do everyday. Something that is just human nature to do and yet again CF slaps you in the face and takes that away from you.
I do know in my heart that we are doing the right thing for him but I had to exhaust all my other options before this option. So I guess right now all I'm truly focusing on is getting him better and out of the hospital and I know that we would have liked to have been out before Christmas but.... it just doesn't look like that's in the cards. We should be getting out the day after Christmas and we will be leaving with a wonderful parting gift that will help Carson grow big and strong and maybe just maybe take a little worry off this Mama on not having to STRESS so much about how much he is eating right now. So then it can leave room for me to stress about something else LOL. Because really... do Mama's ever really stop stressing out about their kids? :)
I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas and a New Year that brings you nothing but love, laughter & heart warming moments.
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