One day at a time......

So we are on day 4 of being home from Carson getting his G-tube and we are on day 3 of using it. The reason we are on day 3 instead of 4 is because we didn't start doing the feeds at home until I got my stuff together and my mind in the right place to do this. With us getting home on Thursday I didn't feel like I had it all together to start EVERYTHING the day we got home. And I'm so glad I waited... Carson is still having a little bit of a hard time letting Travis or I look or even touch it. The first two nights we had to hold him down to get him hooked up, but last night Travis was able to do it with me just standing there if he needed me. So I do have to say Carson is doing pretty good for being day 3, I think???? I have noticed that he doesn't eat as much during the day like he had but the nice thing is that I know he is getting what he needs at night while he sleeps.
So here I'm going to say it.... " I LOVE the G-tube!!!! " and yet it still brings me to tears when I think of Carson having it, and not so much because he had to get it but that we waited so long in getting it for him, but then, I had to exhaust every other avenue I had. And yes I was soooo agents him getting it and now I could kick myself for being so selfish... So selfish because it wasn't him that wasn't ready for it, it was me that wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to have CF take something else from us and I wasn't ready for such a visual of CF, and that's just so not what it should have been about. It should have been about what was best for Carson and not that I just didn't want to see something everyday that reminded me that he has CF. I should have been thinking the way I am now in the fact that I'm thankful for such a thing that helps my sweet boy stay healthy. So since I left a quote in my last blog here is another....

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."
-- Melody Beattie